[Daughters_of_Ataturk] please read all below .. Roberta lives at the east cost.She is retred 2nd time.

Dear Friends
Miss foundation.

Please recognise and give credit to Robertas works and this mail below  she shared with us..
pass it disseminate it as with the comploiment thanks to Roberta Sprangue.. type...

We need to honor the live and the lost ones... all the time..  connecting  them, is our works for healing
 ...NNM

kindly

NNM

=======================================================

Dear Roberta
come to think of it we have so many veterans we lost at this Iraq war..
their parents need help too.

Gosh how much the PKK terrorist killers of the young soldiers of Turkey and sehit mothers are in need this type of healing.. so much work to do..in the world .. Rwanda , Sudan.. on and on..

Plan on staying with me if you can get to come to this confrence.. i will  go to..
You can share alot  and make a difference and network. I wish they will pay for your plaine. and due.

love

NNM


==========================================


Nicky,

 

I downloaded the brochure for this conference.  It is a lovely brochure with many of my favorite quotes at the top of the pages.  They already have their speakers for 2008  Their agenda is primarily for greaving parents and professionals who are counseling them.  I don't do that; if I have clients that need this services, I send them to someone I know who specializes in it.

 

I am going to contact the director there with some suggestions for their 2009 conference; particularly to suggest a session on recoverey for parents who contributed to their child's death--whether accidently or through neglect or abuse.  These parents grieve differently to others; some refuse to admit their contribution; some get so deep into self blame that they become mentally ill, and some turn to substance abuse, or suicide.  There are experts on this though I am not one of them.  One of the packaged grief recovery courses I have used contains some on this.

 

I will find out whether they would want an exhibit on what I'm doing, how much it would cost, etc.

 

One of the resources I use on a regular basis to help people who are grieving is Bev Swanson's Grief and Recover letter.  I have communicated with her and she understanding that I'm not getting the letter for myself but to help others.  I just received her January-February 2008 letter and I am going to forward it to you.  Sometimes I print out her letter and give it to someone; other times I recommend that they subscribe to her letter so they receive it regularly.

 

Love, Roberta     

nmuradoglu@aol.com wrote:

Roberta,

 

Than please come and join them.Write to them and let them invite you for presentattion .. if not as poster presentation. University phd graduate students they know the best for this kind presentation..

 

The size is large 6x10 ft    ...cartoon ....covered  with fitted writtings...has the megazine type layout.

i know .. when i lost my sister at the age 18 to bus and truck accident.. coming from Ankara to Istanbul. My mother .....we burned with pain of reality. sprituality does help.. not religion. mind you.
love

NNM


-----Original Message-----
From: Roberta Sprague <rsprague@anewdayforall.org>
To: nmuradoglu@aol.com
Sent: Wed, 5 Mar 2008 7:37 pm
Subject: Re: Fwd: MISS 2008 Conference

Nicky,

 

This is what is normally referred to as "Grief Recovery."  I have taught grief recovery classes for both adults who have lost children and for children who have lost a parent or other relative.  Several years ago, our daily newspaper wanted to run a two-page spread on planning funerals and handling griief.  I worked with all the funeral directors in our county and wrote the articles that the paper printed. I was amazed at what I learned that I didn't know before.

 

Roberta

 

nmuradoglu@aol.com wrote:

I am having hard time to understand .. is this for the adults loosing a child...
i want children who goes through the Trauma ...
abuse 
violance sex tv programs 
school gengs
sports
car accidant
pool eccidents ..
hospital experiences..
homelessness experience
drug user adults
alcholic adults experiences..
war weteran parets

all above is waiting to be helped

i hope this is not for work against abortion and political..

i have to aSK..

THANK YOU

NNM








Nicky,

 

This is the grief letter I said I would forward.

 

Roberta

Bev Swanson <bev@copewithgrieving.com> wrote:

Date: Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:27:07 -0700 (Mountain Standard Time)
From: Bev Swanson <bev@copewithgrieving.com>
To: rsprague@anewdayforall.org
Subject: Roberta, Your "Grief Connection Letter" from Bev is ready

===========================================================
Monthly Grief Connection Letter
with Bev Swanson
January and February, 2008 --- Issue #35
===========================================================
(Sent to subscribers only,Unsubscribe info at end of email)
===========================================================

Dear Roberta

We have been weathering a very harsh cold winter and now suddenly
it feels so bright and warm. It is a relief to the body to feel
the warm sun again. This also means that we actually aren't below
freezing anymore. It has been striking me that this winter time seems
to be quite a time to cave...and rest.

It is time for the weather to welcome us outside again comes at
it's own will. I have found that grief is this way also. It is
unpredictable, kind of like the weather.. It is so different for
each person. It comes and goes in it's own time and with it's own
energy.

One day things are almost calm; peaceful. Then the next the storm
rages in and everything is turned up-side-down; leaving you in an
emotional heap.

This movement back and forth and up- side-down is not so
predictable. It is triggered by anything at all and you are sent
once more into that black space leaving your hopeless, helpless
and afraid.

==========================================================
Today I would like to address the rather untimely timing in this
grieving process as it relates to what so many of you have written
me about...

a) - The Untimeliness of Death
b) - Whose Time Is It Anyways?
c) - What Do You Do With the Unexpected?
d) - What Are Others Thinking and Saying?
e) - A Poem on the Process..."Unpredictable" by Bev Swanson
f) - Honoring Your Process and the Timing of it
g) - Making Good Choices...

===========================================================
a) - The Untimeliness of Death
===========================================================
Death comes at you without much notice. You are hit by it's force
that seems to have swallowed you up. With lives that are taken
too soon, too young, unfinished; you shake your head; you rail at
the injustice.

With those who have been with you for along time; you rail at the
pain and tearing of their leaving your physical lives and all the
changes this brings.

You might throw questions out like why? why me? why them? why now?
It is your human response and your attempt to make sense of it and to
put it into some sort of category that you can process. But no matter
how old or young the person, it is all just so hard. There just
is such an unnatural process around letting go of one you love.

In the end folks often have to let go of some of their unanswered
questions and let them go and just be with the silence at the
other end of the questions...as often there are no answers and if
you don't let them go you will find yourself stuck there.

But for now...ask the questions. It is also a part of the process
and of fully feeling it. When you are ready to let go of needing
the answers, you will.

The shock that comes with surprise deaths brings another element
of pain. It feels so wrong. It feels so horrible and suddenly
the ground underneath you feels so uneven and even moving.

Those deaths that we expect bring their own kind of surprise when
we find out that we cannot really fully prepare for such a human
heartbreak.

Life as you know it has now changed. And this thing called death
will either make you better or it will take you out.

And yet no matter what we say; no matter how it shakes out or what
happened...it seem all wrong; backward somehow. This is the
feeling that needs to be validated at the core of your being.

You are not finished being with them. They are not finished
being with you. Their life feels cut short. And those who are
left feel gypped out of their presence with them and also gypped
in their living here on this earth.

For many life just feels over. And the huge reality is,
life as you knew it has now drastically changed and most of us are
not even remotely ready for what that means.

===========================================================
b) - Whose Time Is It Anyways?
===========================================================
Now this is a questions that is hard to answer. Folks of faith
would sometimes say that this is God's time. Others see it as an
act of fate. Still others see this as something unknown that has
screwed with the timing of life....interrupted it.

No matter what your sense of it, you are hurting. And all of your
ideas and thoughts around this are yours. Just own them. If it
comforts you to see this in a certain way, then do so.

And if this is your time to feel anger and just complain at
everyone, including God, then do so. God has very large shoulders
and is not unaccustomed to pain.

This questions is your deep desire to bring some sense to a
senseless thing. It is your need to understand; to place all of
this pain somewhere.

The trouble is that for awhile it may not feel like any of this
fits into a nice neat pile. Frankly very little seems to have
a spot...not yet anyways.

Grief is not meant to fit into some time frame, some neat place.
It is so messy and grieving and letting go is hard, hard
work....and is sometimes very messy. You flounder. You might
not know which end is up.

You say and do things and then cannot remember. You might feel
protective and then lonely. It is very Messy. It is very hard.

Those questions are your attempt to bring all of this into
focus...so ask them. And if no answers come, that ok too, for you
still need to ask the questions.

For me I could not somehow understand how we could be given two
children with a disability (one which led to her death) and lose
one in the womb also.

Was this some kind of joke? Of course in our heart of hearts we
knew not....but the questions came and we asked them and we are
loved while living inside of those questions.

===========================================================
c) - What Do You Do With the Unexpected?
===========================================================
Grieving brings with it so many unexpected feelings, unanswered
questions and realities that it is overwhelming at first. Most
people, no matter how prepared they are for all of this, will find
that you cannot fully prepare for a loved one to go.

Our hearts just don't want to go there. Even when you know this
is inevitable, even expected...you hope.

Once the death is upon you, there is flooding of unexpected
feelings. There are floods of things you now have to do.
Funerals, burials, decisions, wills....and the list goes on and on
and on.

And now you have to do all of this without the loved person.

You have to do all of this when you don't even want to! It is
like being asked to pay to bury someone you love, have a service
for someone you love, let go of someone you love and you didn't
choose it.! What a helpless feeling and angering for some.

These unexpected moments and experiences will be with you for many
days, weeks, months and even years ahead. However, the deadly
sharp pain doesn't stay so intense after a while.

Yet you are still deeply dealing with those moments where a huge
wave has washed over you. You feel left at the bottom of an
ocean hardly able to swim to the surface.

But you find a way...you know the way. God knows the way.
Sometimes others lead the way.

So how does one move with these unexpected moments in time. The
best thing I can say to you is don't deal with them all at once.
Open to what comes in that moment and then release that moment and
move into what that next one brings.

If you try to do this grieving thing all at once, you won't
survive it. Just be in this moment, be with what you feel in this
moment, with what is needed at this moment and breathe your way
into the next one. Be with what meets you.

Don't work against the grieving moment, try to flow with it. And
trust your heart to guide you into healing.

I know some of you have been feeling very stuck. I am wondering
if "stuckness" comes when we try to be with something we cannot.
We try to do other moments when this one is the one we are in.

Trust your process and let the healing come.

===========================================================
d) - What Are Others Thinking and Saying?
===========================================================
Now one of the most common comments and struggles that you folks
write to me about is that of what others are saying, thinking and
expecting. Many suffer because comments feel cold and even
heartless.

People may very inappropriately and often with good intention say
things like,
" Get on with it, they are gone already quite a few months"
" Move one"
" God needed them more."
" God needed a little angel in heaven"
" I just don't understand why you cannot move on?"
" What about the rest of us? Don't we matter?"

And the list goes on. I am sure you can put your own words in
there. Yet one word of caution for both you as a grieving person
and those around you.

Be careful, very careful not to burn bridges. We can say things
in our pain and frustration that can really cause long term
relationship problems.

The thing is, until people are in your shoes and grieve as you do,
they don't know. Grieving takes a great deal of time. Grieving
doesn't happen overnight. Most people are just needing to stay in
their grief long enough to heal.

So if you are still in your first or even second year, you can be
very much still grieving quite hard.

If you have been grieving a very long time. You may also be
believing you are now stuck too long, then see someone who can
help you get moving again or move with your pain rather than
against it. (Sometimes this is what others are noticing also)

As well it is so important to understand that folks are doing the
best they can with how they see things. They want to help and
don't know how. They hate to see you hurt and they want you back
as you were.

What they don't often understand is that some patience is needed
and in time if you are honored and honor your process...you will
return and open to life again.

===========================================================
e) - A Poem on the Process..."Unpredictable" by Bev Swanson
===========================================================
unexpected, with true force
death visits in the night
leaving you in trauma
leaving you in fright

in but one moment
you are hurled so deep
into dark cold
left to live within the world
with stories left untold.

you find yourself now here
and scream within your heart
for now it seems there's not a thing
that you know how to start.

and so the questions come and go
the things that you must do
the numb
the sad
the lonely
and the angry too.

a flooding of pandora's box
of everything you feel
is now invading everything
and then your feelings steal

and so it is, the time it takes
to let your sore heart feel
may really need a lot of space
to let your sad heart heal.

and the choices that are yours
allow your depths to feel
either choose to just numb out
or to deeply heal

yet if you open in your days
with Spirit's love your guide
you'll find that love will hold you
both outside and inside

and if you open in your days
and allow the fight.
Spirit's love will welcome you
and bring you to back to life

allow the time, however long
as the moments help you grieve
and in time your heart will heal
then you will learn to breathe

you'll find that you are not alone
as you might have thought
but as your soul is deeply held
new life to you is brought

===========================================================
f) - Honoring Your Process and the Timing of it
===========================================================
Some Thoughts For Your Process...

* And if you are not moving into your grief, doing what it is that
you need, or even avoiding your grief, you will either avoid it or
become quite sick trying to hold it all in. This is not the way to
healing.

* To grieve well you need to feel, talk share and move forward.
There will be times of sitting and just being and breathing.
There will be times when you need to get out an do something.
There will be times when you just need a friend and a chance to
talk.

* Open to your grief and it will open you to healing that is there
for you. Try not to fight it. Try to stay with yourself and the
present moment and Be.

* I often encourage people to get a grief counselor, pastor or
friend to just journey with you and hear you. There is so, so ,so
much hearing and holding that is needed. People who reach out in
this way often get through in so much more healthy a way.

* Also try not to fight your feelings or your process. It is so
much easier if you flow with it. If you allow healing. We are
created to heal and in time we do...but allow the time.

* Open to life in as many small ways as you can in the process.
This can really help

* Also don't judge your process. Others may be doing enough of
that. Just be loving and gentle with yourself. There is no
judgement needed. You are hurting enough already. And then be
open if you need a little gentle nudge to enter into your process
in a way that is more healthy.

* Try to have some patience with those around you also as they are
trying too and probably don't really know what to do either to
help.

* Open, be present, breathe and allow

===========================================================
g) - Making Good Choices...
===========================================================
Last but not least, death has been dealt you a huge blow and it
has changed your life. It can feel so helpless to know that you
cannot change it nor can you do anything to turn back time.

But, there are choices you can make. One of the choices you can
make which is helpful is the choice to open to healing and to life
again.

Choose to dance when your feet can't find the step. Choose to love
when the fear of losing chokes you. Choose to be present and
choose to breathe.

Choose to heal. This may at first be just an small belief and at
first hardly seem possible. But as you choose it, life will
welcome you back.

There is life after death, I believe both for those who have left
and for those of us who are still here.

Resolve with in you that you will find life and open to it one day
again. One day to your surprise, the sky will open just a little
and the sun will shine through. At first this may only happen
momentarily...but in time those moments will expand.

It will be the best choice you will ever make for yourself and
life and healing will come to meet you. We have been created to
heal. For that I am so thankful.

I hardly thought it possible the day I buried my sweet little
daughter. And although we miss her still (just passed her
birthday) we have learned to live well within that void.

Life is rich again and it can be so for you. There is hope.

And just as the warm Spring wind welcomes us out to play, so the
wind of healing Spirit will one day open and welcome you into the
light again.

I wish you warm blessings in these difficult grieving moments.
I know it is not easy And I know you can do it, Roberta

Warmly,
Bev Swanson

PS: Need Other Grieving Help?
* There are a number of good books out there
* Find a counselor, a good friend, a pastor or a priest (someone
who understands grief and its process)
* My book along with other helps are available on my site if you
go to www.copewithgrieving.com and check out the links
* Send us a story of your loved one so we can share it on our
site.
* I am always glad to write you back if you need some online
support.

===========================================================
copyright 2008 all rights reserved Bev Swanson
http://www.copewithgrieving.com
http://www.grievingpoems.com
bev@copewithgrieving.com
===========================================================

Just so you know, Roberta
you had subscribed to my monthly Grief Connection Letter
when visiting one of my websites using this email here:
rsprague@anewdayforall.org

If you have received this mailing in error, Roberta
or if you no longer wish to receive my Grief Connection Letter,
please send an email to unsubscribe@copewithgrieving.com with the
words "stop email" in the subject line.

Then you will be automatically excluded from any future emails,
of this monthly Grief Connection Letter.

If you would prefer to unsubscribe via postal mail, please
contact us at:

Bev's Grief Connection Letter
PO Box 1118
Camrose, AB T4V 4E7
Canada

(if all else fails you could call 780-678-7830 during
afternoons or early evenings Mountain Standard Time)
===========================================================


Nicky,

 

This is what is normally referred to as "Grief Recovery."  I have taught grief recovery classes for both adults who have lost children and for children who have lost a parent or other relative.  Several years ago, our daily newspaper wanted to run a two-page spread on planning funerals and handling griief.  I worked with all the funeral directors in our county and wrote the articles that the paper printed. I was amazed at what I learned that I didn't know before.

 

Roberta

 

 

nmuradoglu@aol.com wrote:

I am having hard time to understand .. is this for the adults loosing a child...
i want children who goes through the Trauma ...
abuse 
violance sex tv programs 
school gengs
sports
car accidant
pool eccidents ..
hospital experiences..
homelessness experience
drug user adults
alcholic adults experiences..
war weteran parets

all above is waiting to be helped

i hope this is not for work against abortion and political..

i have to aSK..

THANK YOU

NNM


-----Original Message-----
From: EKR Foundation <info@missfoundation.org>
To: nmuradoglu@aol.com
Sent: Wed, 5 Mar 2008 5:00 pm
Subject: MISS 2008 Conference

The MISS Foundation, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Foundation, and Arizona State University Present:

Trauma and Mourning After a Child's Death:
Conference and Retreat 2008

September 25-28, 2008
Embassy Suites North Phoenix
2577 W. Greenway Road
Phoenix, AZ 85203


with Kids in Sympathy and Support (KISS) Camp

PLEASE VISIT THE CONFERENCE WEBSITE

www.missfoundation.org/conference/

or download the main brochure

www.missfoundation.org/conference/2008ConfBrochure.pdf

Please register early.

Some scholarships are available.

We hope to see you at this amazing event. And please pass this along to others! CEUs will be available.

Sincerely,
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore and
The MISS Foundation


“She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion
and make it a sharer in her thoughts.”

George Eliot

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